Plus: Nigeria wants $80B, Binance says lol no
GM. Woke up, checked the charts, and blended my feelings into a smoothie of denial.
But before we get into today’s squeeze, quick heads-up 👀
Things are gonna be a bit different this week – today’s issue is shorter… and so will tomorrow’s and Friday’s be.
Also, the juicer’s taking a break on Thursday, so there’ll be no squeeze at all.
(I know, heartbreaking… please don’t throw fruit. We still love you.)
Now…
🍍 Market flavor today
Crypto Market Cap: $2.54T 0.47% (24H)
Name
Price
24H
7D
Bitcoin BTC
$78,783.16
0.78%
-6.88%
Ethereum ETH
$1,535.69
-1.23%
-18.79%
XRP XRP
$1.91
2.01%
-11.56%
BNB BNB
$561.08
1.37%
-8.66%
🥝 Memecoin harvest
If dopamine was a chart, these memecoins would be maxed out:
Name
24H Change
New Ancient DNA Cloned Wolf REMUS
▲32K%
SVJ Coin SVJ
▲1.5K%
Housecoin HOUSE
▲101%
Paraverse PVS
▲82%
Data as of 09:00 AM EST.
Check out these memecoins and plenty more here.
🍋 News drops
Here’s some stuff your group chat should be talking about today:
🕵️♂️ Did the feds meet Satoshi?
A lawyer from the US is suing the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) because he thinks they’re hiding the identity of Satoshi Nakamoto.
Apparently, a DHS agent admitted that her team interviewed four people involved in Bitcoin’s creation – and the lawyer wants proof the meeting happened.
Full story here
🧹 Clean-up on scam aisle
Australian regulators are gonna shut down 95 crypto scam companies. A review showed that only 3 of them had any actual assets, while the rest were mostly fronts for pig butchering schemes.
In total, nearly 1,500 people across 14 countries lost over $35M to these scams. Ouch.
Full story here
📬 Binance said “don’t @ me”
Back in February, Nigeria’s tax agency sued Binance, saying the exchange owed $2B in taxes and should pay almost $80B more in damages for allegedly hurting the local economy.
But Binance is fighting back: the exchange’s lawyers said the way they were served legal papers – by email – wasn’t allowed, since the company’s based outside Nigeria.
The court paused the case until April 30 so the tax agency can reply.
Full story here
🤖 AI, fake ads, and $20M gone
Six people in Spain got arrested for using AI and deepfake ads to scam over 200 people out of $20M through fake crypto investments.
Oh, and btw, these scammers had the audacity to come back for round two: they pretended to be Europol agents and told victims they could get their money back… after paying a fee.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… JAIL, idk?
Full story here
💸 Someone’s cashing out MELANIA
Bubblemaps flagged something sketchy: over $30M in MELANIA memecoins were moved and partly sold.
The team and the token’s creator, Hayden Davis, haven’t said a thing about it.
Full story here
Now you’re in the know. But think about your friends – they probably have no idea. I wonder who could fix that… 😃🫵
Spread the word and be the hero you know you are!
