John: [00:03:44] From my recollection, I advised her fairly early on, in all probability instantly after dental college. I advised her that I used to be about $450,000 in debt, totaling from undergrad and dental college as effectively, and that was about it. That was the primary time I advised her.
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:05] What was her response whenever you advised her that quantity?
John: [00:04:07] Her response, I keep in mind, was it was loads simply because in comparison with hers, I felt like she had some assist from her household, which is superior. I like her mother loads. So, her response was one in all shock.Â
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:22] Yesterday, proper earlier than this name, they stuffed out a questionnaire, the place they included their monetary particulars. Wendy didn’t understand how a lot debt they really had, and when she noticed the quantity, let’s simply say, she was stunned.
Wendy: [00:04:36] He was filling out the questionnaire. I feel that’s after I was like, oh, yeah, so how a lot is that quantity now? And I’m anticipating it to be manner much less, as a result of we completed dental college 10-plus years. So then, after I heard the quantity get larger, and I used to be like, oh, no. So, I assume recently-
Ramit Sethi: [00:04:53] Yeah. What was your feeling whenever you heard that quantity larger than it was once, not decrease?
Wendy: [00:05:02] Trepidation. Yeah, concern. It’s like I wish to cry like, oh, my God, how come it’s not getting any decrease?
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:12] Did you two discuss it whenever you heard that quantity?
Wendy: [00:05:17] Type of. I feel he was identical to, it’s okay, it’s positive, it’ll be positive. He was simply form of like, it’ll be okay, Wendy. Prefer it’s my drawback. I’m going to handle it.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:30] Discover that tactic, one associate telling the opposite, don’t fear about it, after which layering on, it’s my drawback, which isn’t very satisfying in a relationship with two individuals. While you hear that, how do you react to that?
Wendy: [00:05:47] It’s undoubtedly annoying.
Ramit Sethi: [00:05:50] What do you imply?
Wendy: [00:05:51] I’m on the facet, saying like, I wish to enable you, like we’re a household, and he’s like, I’m this macho man, I can handle myself.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:01] A number of males are raised with a deep perception that now we have to handle our household financially. And till lately, that was very, quite common. That perception is so deep, it’s so invisible that I name it an invisible script.
Ramit Sethi: [00:06:15] Are you a macho man?
John: [00:06:17] No, I don’t take into account myself to be a macho man. I felt prefer it was one thing that I selected to undertake. It was my accountability. Even earlier than we acquired married, even earlier than we acquired engaged, I felt like that is my selection, it’s my accountability, so why would I knowingly have my spouse undertake that accountability, too? As a result of she’s already paying her personal loans, and she or he’s nearly achieved, proper? So, why within the hell would I wish to add much more onto her plate?
